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just know would spread 'em for some guy in a thousand-buck suit with a faggy
haircut but would ignore a real man like you as if you were scumdirt in the
sewer. Now you can bebop a Lola on that expensive nose without fear of
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personal bankruptcy. Call the toll-free number flashing on the vid right now
for three months' free trial period of an abusable screen. If feelings of
hostility last for more than 48 hours after you've hit the teevee, consult
your family psychiatrist.
Hell, that's the goddang plugmercials out the way, let's get on with the
freakin' show. We got three real guy-type guys up here today. If the boom mike
gets in close, you'll be able to hear their balls clack even when they're
sitting down. First up, is Mr Thaddeus Turner, a founding director of the
Turner-Harvest-Ramirez Agency, the best-known and probably most effective
Sanctioned Agency in the United States. And soon to become international, Tad?
Turner: Yes, indeed. We're opening T-H-R depots in London, Karachi, Tokyo,
Moscow, Paris and the Antarctic.
Hardacre: So, foreign felons will soon fear the ScumStoppers of your
legendary partner, Redd Harvest?
Turner: Yes, indeed. Ms Harvest intends, once she's cleared up outstanding
business in the States, to do a tour of duty supervising the establishment of
justice T-H-R style throughout the globe. Incidentally, Brunt, she sends
regrets that she couldn't be here tonight, but she's out tracking down the
last few stragglers of the Southwestern Maniax.
Hardacre: That's the feared gangcult you and the United States Cavalry just
totally decimated?
Turner: Yes, indeed. We were proud, as Senator Redford will note, to work
closely with federal agencies on this large-scale, supremely successful
action.
Redford: Hrrmph grrmph frrmph.
Hardacre: I'm sure the senator has a deal to say on that point later. But not
all Ops work for Agencies like T-H-R, with their luxury expense accounts,
top-of-the-line equipment, vast infonet resources and a huge staff of back-up
personnel. Many Ops have one- or two-man companies and go it alone against
crime and criminals, like the gunfighters of the Old West or the private eyes
of the '30s. One such is our next guest. Colonel Elvis Presley.
Presley: It's a pleasure to be here, suh.
Hardacre: Thank you. Colonel. Some of us have parents who remember your name
in a different context, that of a popular entertainer in the '50s. How did you
get from there to here?
Presley: I figure no one really recollects the old days, Mr Hardacre. It was
a world of time ago. I went in the army and turned my thinking around, came
out after my hitch was up, didn't like what I saw back in civvies, and went in
again for a 20-year spell. I saw action in Central America. When I retired, I
started up the Hound Dog Agency. I figured things had changed a whole bunch
more, not for the better, but one man could make a difference. That's what I
see as the job of the Sanctioned Op, making a difference.
Turner: Yes, indeed. I'd like to put in that I agree with Colonel Presley. In
troubled times, Joe Citizen rests easier knowing Sanctioned Ops are out there,
guarding the walls of civilisation against gangcults at the gates.
Hardacre: The client list of the T-H-R Agency is a mite different from the
sort of folks who go to Hound Dog. You mainly represent multinats for fat fees
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or go after fugitives with big bounties on their heads, while Hound Dog
advertises its services to folks with no other resources, widows and orphans
and such.
Presley: I'd like to bet a dollar Mr Turner is going to say "yes, indeed".
Turner: Yes, in... ulp. Actually, it's true we service a different sector of
the market. Diversity is what caring capitalism is about, Brunt.
Hardacre: And our third debater is Senator Robert Redford of California, the
Golden Boy from the Golden State.
Redford: Good evening. Brunt.
Hardacre: I hope the camera crew remembered to take the glare off that grin.
Senator. I've a nasty feeling your teeth just blinded a fourth of our viewers.
Redford: Very amusing. I was led to believe this would be a serious debate.
Hardacre: That's how we are at ZeeBeeCee, Bobby. We're funny as all get-out
on a Tuesday afternoon, but we get to the heart of the issues and dig around
until we're comfortable. Since this is supposed to be Nostalgia Newstrivia, we
should start by reminding ourselves what all the fuss was about back in the
'80s. I think it's fair to say the first four or five years of the decade just
saw everything in America going all out to hell in a steam-powered handcart.
Turner: Yes, indeed.
Hardacre: I knew you'd say that, Tad. We hit 1980 with Spiro Agnew in the
White House and the beginnings of heavy environmental problems. For reasons no
one has got around to explaining, the whole of Middle America was seriously
turning into the blighted desert we have these days. Some loons say it's all
uncontrolled emissions from industry and toxic wastes from polluting plants,
but that seems mainly to be anti-corp propaganda spread by dissatisfied
eggheads. Others are suggesting that perhaps the climatic changes are more
likely to be caused by uncontrollable cosmic forces. UFOs or whatever. Maybe
even a sneaky plot by the Pan-Islamic Congress or the Central American
Confederation to wreck our glorious ecosystem by pumping in desert germs. A
lot of folks at the grassroots believe things like that, though there are less
grassroots around these days.
At the same time, our country's law enforcement infrastructure was showing
all the gumption of a dried-up cow turd. Tribalism became a force in American [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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