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had never used before flexing oddly. In fact, to facilitate looking at himself, he
suddenly found himself looking at himself from Elstän s perspective, and he felt
her feelings, felt what it was to be nearly all-powerful and be cast down to the
relative powerlessness of her human form. He again experienced the sense of
loss, of confusion, of bitter hatred and the desire to seek retribution& But this
faded into a new sense of Purpose, a desire to make things better than they were,
to show that she/he could succeed where the One had failed in ruling creation&
There was a strange sense of falling up, of swirling about like leaves in a
whirlwind, and a bewildering sensation of dual perspective and identity as
memories, all familiar yet strange, flitted past. With a wrench, John came to
himself, Elstän s bedchamber springing into existence around him. For a
moment, he felt a great sense of relaxation and peace, but a moment later his
head began to feel as if it weighed a ton. He pitched forward and to the side,
sprawling painfully and awkwardly onto the floor as if he had completely lost
control of his limbs, which he indeed had. Groaning, he struggled with that
feeling of not knowing exactly where he was and wondering how he had gotten
there. Apparently reality had returned for real this time, and it was much less
pleasant than he remembered.
Soon enough, he was able to achieve somewhat of a sitting position. He
blearily sought out Elstän with pained eyes; she remained in her chair, somewhat
pale but otherwise seeming unaffected. After a moment, she looked down at him
and frowned.  There was something wrong with the Bonding. The exchange was
incomplete. I felt that I imbibed most of your psyche, but that you did not gain
195
B.A.McFadden
H"
full access to mine. Strange. It is as if you were hesitant to enter my mind, and
you even cut it short, repulsing yourself.
John had learned more than he had cared to in his opinion.  You were an
angel who was cast down to Earth? John burst out, certain impressions standing
out strongly.  You re& you re& Satan?
Elstän laughed good-naturedly.  John, please, do not subject the universe
to the legends you were brought up to believe. She sighed, settling more
comfortably in her seat and motioning to John to return to his.  I can see that this
will require explanation in the conventional sense, as the Bond did not go as
planned.
John pulled himself into his chair and sat rather stiffly, not sure what to
make of the woman who sat before him. He felt confused, dissociated from the
situation. Perhaps this was all still part of the subjective, shared fantasy.
Elstän began.  I would accept the term angel only because it is your
mind s closest approximation to my nature. And of course the Jewish and
Christian stories are based on an imperfect understanding of the way of the
universe, and in those stories, my type is described as angel, fallen angel, or
demon. And I suppose my particular role in reality most closely approximates
that of the character of Lucifer in the stories, also known as the serpent, Satan,
the tempter, the dragon, and so on. When the Dweln lived among man, stories
developed that speak of the origin of the universe and they are considered mere
fables in the religious framework of the Dweln stories that refer to Benvolé and
Vaskurge, angels and demons in your terms. The particular culture and religion
affects the significance of the story, the approach to its reality. Do I look like
Satan to you?
John regarded her form with a scrutinizing eye; he had to admit that she
did not.  But you were an angel, or some sort of powerful celestial being, and
you challenged God& 
 Again, you use a culturally biased term, Elstän interjected.  When you
say God, you mean an all-powerful but ultimately well-meaning, beneficial
Creator. The reality is somewhat different. The being you call God is neither
omnipotent nor precisely beneficial. He I believe you are most accustomed to
referring to God in masculine terms is not evil in the sense that he wishes harm
to others, but he is self-serving, and rather arrogant in his way. He created the
Benvolé as powerful servants who would revere him; they were created for the
purpose of serving him and glorifying him. And he created them with a certain
amount of free will to give that service and reverence meaning. He was, is,
fulfilled by the worship of his creation. But certain of us would not, could not,
accept an existence involving forced service and worship. Can we be blamed for
that? So I led several of my fellows in rebellion.
196
The Death of Santa Claus
H"
 As I said, the being you call God is not all-powerful, and we were very
powerful, but he had the remaining Benvolé, the angels, to defend him.
Outnumbered, we were cast out, into oblivion. We sought a new way to
challenge him, and we found a potential weakness. The earthly creation. The
sentient denizens of the Earth enjoyed a new facet of existence, a certain sensual
reality that no Benvolé or Vaskurge had ever truly known as mere prototypes.
 I watched the Benvolé as they looked longingly upon the Earth and
began to be corrupted by the wants and desires of humanity. I acted to further
that corruption. I waited until I could find a Benvolé on Earth, performing a
service for its Lord, and I took the form of a human female for of course the
prototype creations were genderless. The Benvolé had thus far managed to resist [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]

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